Niceology Instruction Guide

Contents

Introduction: 1
Premise: 2
Mental Health Self-Care 3
Objective One: 3
Objective Two: 4
Objective Three: 4
Overview Theory 5
Strategy One Lesson: 5
Strategy Two Lessons: 5, 6 & 7
Strategy Three Lessons: 7 & 8
Strategy Four Lessons: 8 & 9
Strategy Five Lessons: 10
Strategy Six Lessons: 11, 12 & 13
Strategy Seven Lessons: 14 & 15
Strategy Eight Lessons: 16
Strategy Nine Lessons: 17
Checking for Progress: 18 & 19
Seeking Professional Help: 20
References: 21

Introduction: By helping people acquire their psychological needs—feeling able and close—niceness fosters good mental health. However, to be a reliable, unmatched means of meeting needs, the niceness promoted—acts of kindness and fairness—requires an educational plan designed to be used K-college. Such a plan highlights healthy perspectives and behaviors in a proactive manner.

Intended for current and prospective parents, teachers, counselors and other helpers seeking to nurture mental health self-care, this guide is a versatile springboard. The well-established strategies offered provide a prototype for constructing additional, complementary, age-appropriate activities. Along with specific ready-to-use lessons, ways to check for progress are given. Before putting what follows to use, guides should review Niceology: the study of being nice—an Outpost Oops nonfiction ebook found in the Nonfiction menu. Lastly, when possible, learners should be encouraged to consult with others when completing assignments.

Premise: Consistent with Maslow’s (1986) characterization of self-actualizing people, kindness and fairness are presented as essential to the civil and reliable acquisition of basic psychological needs—ableness and closeness. Moreover, they’re put forth as unmatched ways of lessening and healing losses that can weaken and distort self-worth. Three theorists, Alfred Adler, Carl Rogers and Lawrence Kohlberg, are especially noteworthy.

Ableness and closeness reflect Adler’s (Ansbacher & Ansbacher, 1979) “self-reliance” and “social interest.” Other terms for ableness commonly used by various theorists are “individuality” and “autonomy.” Other terms for closeness commonly used by theorists are “togetherness” and “connecting.” Also, Adler’s emphasis on “encouragement” reflects how kindness is defined, and his emphasis on “cooperation” mirrors how fairness is intended.

Two concepts used by Rogers (1961, 2013), “empathy” and “unconditional positive regard” are congruent with the kindness and fairness highlighted. Rogers’ “empathy” is similar to the show of understanding essential to a commitment to kindness, and his “unconditional positive regard” is similar to the show of openness and respect essential to an adherence to fairness.

Consistent with the emphasis put on fairness is the fundamental importance Kohlberg (1981) and his followers give to “justice.” In particular, Kohlberg’s (McLeod, 2013) use of moral dilemmas is similar to the role-playing scenarios suggested, during which learners are given opportunities to practice respectfully expressing perspectives that display and confirm self-regard.

Prominent ways used to bring about healthy self-care include fostering empathic communication (Rogers, 2013). conducting role-playing (Yardley-Matwiejczuk, 1997), and using bibliotherapy (Garrett-Davis, 2020). Also, because cognitive theorists have laid the groundwork for the perspective-shaping strategies advocated, participants are encouraged to explore the critical thinking skills integral to the cognitive approach (Burns, 1980). Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that the inevitability of observational learning, or modeling, (Bandura, 1977) means those seen by kids as mentors, such as a adult-relatives, teachers and coaches, can’t avoid being mental health self-care role-models.

Mental Health Self-Care: The self-care explored in this guide entails the daily attitudes and habits that result in an individual’s well-being. When healthy, such self-care helps people deal with loss and difficulty by bringing about an ongoing reliance on kindness and fairness. This reliance ensures we routinely heal the psychological hurt that follows our losses. Our hurt is a signal, or warning, that can, when appreciated, influence our emotional well-being (Leary, 1998). That is, it helps us safeguard our psychological survival (Baumeister & Leary, 1995, Vangelisti et al., 2005). Because ignored hurt can prompt unpleasant emotions (Leary & Springer, 2001), managing it is an important aspect of emotional intelligence (Diaz et al., 2001).

Objective One: Students will be given opportunities to explore, analyze and discuss the psychological concepts that follow:

a) Humans have psychological needs. Two terms that characterize these needs are ableness, or feeling successful, and closeness, or feeling connected.

b) Due to human imperfection, everyone suffers losses that result in varying degrees of deprivation and hurt. While some losses are inevitable, many are preventable.

c) All significant losses lessen the ableness or closeness experienced by individuals. The loss of a relationship, ability, pet, valued-object, trust, health and self-esteem are examples of possible times feeling able or close is lessened.

d) Healing is an ongoing process that usually calls for regaining some ableness or closeness. Healing does not require replacing a specific means of acquiring one or both of these needs. Kindness and fairness are reliable, superior ways to restore and possibly upgrade ableness and closeness.

e) When hurt hasn’t been sufficiently healed, it is stored as memories. Once stored, hurt fuels sadness and anger.

f) When experienced as an empathic appreciation for one’s humanity, humility creates an openness to kind and fair self-care insights and decisions.

Objective Two: Students will be given opportunities to explore, analyze, discuss and simulate kind and fair interaction skills. How such interaction helps people acquire reliable ableness and closeness will be considered by learners. How it reflects sound critical thinking will also be discussed.

Objective Three: Students will be given opportunities to explore, analyze and discuss the customary mental health concerns that follow. How kindness and fairness impacts these concerns will be addressed.

a) Everyone deals with some misfortune. Curtailing such difficulty in a way that helps bring about personal serenity and social harmony requires a readiness to rely on kind and fair self-care habits. Maintaining such habits requires practice and reinforcement.

b) When dealing with the human susceptibility to pretend not being nice is sometimes OK, remaining healthy—kind and fair—may require a willingness to temporarily sacrifice some ableness or closeness.

c) Though usually inefficient and often distressful, unkind and unfair behaviors sometimes suffice because they provide a semblance of ableness and closeness. This is especially important to realize during times of desperation—times when people are more likely to make regrettable decisions.

d) When unkind and unfair perspectives are seen as ensuring survival by the user, they can be hard for her or him to change. Despite their inefficiency and proneness to repercussions, such perspectives are often held on to until kind and fair ways to acquire ableness or closeness are available, understood and trusted.

e) When their distrust of niceness is deep-seated, people are inclined to decide, particularly during times of distress, their survival is at stake. The resulting rigidity of such individuals can overwhelm healthy relatives or friends who trust niceness.

f) Because biological factors can impede being nice, a thorough medical assessment should take place when being unkind or unfair to oneself or others persists. Always, human functioning is the result of heredity and environment.

Overview Theory: To enhance the impact of the strategies that follow, we strongly recommend guides first review and discuss with learners the Introduction To Mental Health Self-Care Education presentation found in the Teaching menu. Along with the nonfiction ebooks noted in strategy five, the presentation spells out the basic theory that underlies the mental health self-care promoted.

Strategy One Lesson: Instructors will seek support from the guardians of learners.

When teaching minors, course goals and content will be shared with guardians in order to allay their concerns and to elicit their support. In the event a guardian is the instructor, she or he should meet with another mentor in the learner’s life, possibly a willing co-parent or grandparent. Instructors should keep in mind that merely thanking other influential people for their willingness to hear about the lessons and materials used can have a positive impact. Learning niceness should be an uplifting adventure for learners and mentors.

Strategy Two Lessons: Learners will practice everyday interaction civility.

1. Learners will construct and, over time, expand a list of possible ways to feel able or close by being kind or fair. Learners should be encouraged to discover a wide variety of such behaviors, including times declining to provide help may be kind or fair to another or oneself.

2. Expressing niceness, especially with empathic humility, requires exploration, modeling and practice. Three sets of statements that nudge niceness—kindness and fairness—follow. The first set is for ages five and up. The next two are for ages 11 and up. Beneath each statement, note a remark or situation that calls for its use. Keep in mind that such statements benefit the receiver and the user. The empathic humility they encourage brings about perspectives that help people maintain their wellbeing.

SET ONE:

(a) Everyone wants to do well.
(b) We all want friends.
(c) Everyone losses stuff.
(d) I’ve pretended I’m not hurt.
(e) Hurt can turn into sadness.
(f) Hurt can turn into anger.
(g) Being nice to meanies isn’t easy.
(h) I like kind and fair people.
(i) We all mess up.
(j) I’ve wanted a friend too much.
(k) I sometimes try too hard.
(l) I’ve made something too important.
(m) There’s no toy I have to have.
(n) Admitting we’re hurt can help.
(o) People can pretend to be nice.
(p) Not being nice is never OK.
(q) Being nice matters.
(r) Putdowns hurt those using them.
(s) Not being nice is a big deal.
(t) Being nice is a big deal.
(u) I like being nice.

SET TWO:

(a) That’s an interesting point.
(b) I want to understand what you think.
(c) Thanks for listening carefully.
(d) You seem to be saying. . . .
(e) Thanks for disagreeing in a respectful way.
(f) Hearing what you think helps me explore what I think.
(g) You’re fairness makes it easy to trust you.
(h) Feeling able (and/or close) isn’t always easy.
(i) We all want to feel safe.
(j) It helps to remind ourselves we don’t always have enough information.
(k) It easy to assume we know what others have been through.
(l) Saying one unkind or unfair action makes another OK can be tempting.
(m) When I react strongly, I remind myself to stay calm and respectful.
(n) Words can mean different things to different people.
(o) Separating opinions from facts sometimes takes effort.
(p) I’m still working at appreciating what others may be thinking or feeling.
(q) Finding what we have in common might be helpful.
(r) Trying to figure out how to be kind can be difficult.
(s) Trying to figure out how to be fair can be difficult.
(t) Sticking with being kind can be hard.
(u) Sticking with being fair can be hard.
(v) People know whether they’re kind or unkind.
(w) People know whether they’re fair or unfair.
(x) Knowing we’re not nice is a big deal.
(y) Knowing we’re nice is a big deal.
(z) I need to see myself be nice.

SET THREE:

(a) You’re overcoming a lot.
(b) My sadness/anger lets me know I have hurt to heal.
(c) Finding ways to remind myself to be nice are helpful.
(d) Seeing myself be nice is what matters.
(e) When I look into a mirror, I want to see a kind and fair person.
(f) Having to have something gets me ready for hurt.
(g) People can only pretend it’s OK not to be nice.
(h) Feeling jealous lets me know I want something too much.
(i) No one is good at everything she or he tries.
(j) People often lose feeling safe when they’re around anger.
(k) Sharing my hurt with someone I trust can help.
(l) Name-calling hurts the name-caller.
(m) Standing up for someone teased can be hard.
(n) I wish putdowns weren’t so common.
(o) People can be unkind/unfair when they lack understanding.
(p) Pretending I’m not hurt doesn’t make it go away.
(q) People can care about looks too much.
(r) People can want to have a talent too much.
(s) Coming across nice people is fortunate.
(t) Knowing there are nice people is heartening.
(u) To heal, we must trust being kind and fair.

3. Begin using the preceding statements. A good way to start is to select one or two of them to share with a trusted friend. Give yourself time to feel comfortable with empathic humility and to appreciate how it fosters closeness.

4. Sometimes, behaving in a kind or fair way is straightforward; other times, doing so requires patient thoughtfulness and good judgment. Moreover, a way to be kind, such as lending a hand, and a way to be fair, such as sharing responsibility for a mistake, can have an unexpected, unfavorable impact. So, it’s sometimes important to try to anticipate unintended outcomes and, in the aftermath of such an outcome, to remember to appreciate the good will we wanted to generate. Identify and discuss a specific time when trying to be helpful might not be seen as kindness by another. Also, identify and discuss a specific time when owning how we contributed to a mess-up might not be seen by another as fairness. Lastly, brainstorm, with others when possible, times kindness and fairness can backfire.

Strategy Three Lessons: Learners will explore verbal and written thank-yous that express gratitude for niceness.

1. Learners will recognize and practice ways to be kind and fair. These ways will include striving to ease, or heal, trying times, such as when a significant loss or a regrettable action occurs. To help learners become familiar with such times, have them review the list of thank-yous in the email notes menu at Outpost Oops. Having learners discuss the notes with others should be encouraged.

2. Learners will choose a relative or friend to thank for being nice, possibly someone underappreciated. Then, they’ll deliver a verbal or written Outpost Oops thank-you to the individual chosen. (When learners are minors, facilitators will ensure such learners obtain permission from a guardian before sending the thank-you.) If learners know the email address of the person they’ll be thanking, they can use the email option provided at Outpost Oops. Also, have learners discuss the reasons people don’t display greater gratitude as well as possible ways to encourage people to show appreciation for others.

3. Learners will share an original thank-you(s) note.

Strategy Four Lessons: Learners will explore needs, losses, feelings and healing in creative, calming or fun ways.

1. Learners will convey kindness and/or fairness in one or more of the following ways: (1) writing an essay, poem, song or story, (2) drawing or painting a picture, (3) making a collage or sculpture, (4) taking a photograph, or (5) submitting another instructor-approved creative task.

2. Learners will discuss how they might go out of their way to be kind or fair, such as unexpectedly lending a hand. Learners will also discuss how being nice in such a way can help them take care of their mind.

3. After exploring and pondering the Outpost Oops scoops, learners will choose one to share and discuss with a relative or friend. (When learners are minors, they will obtain an OK from a guardian before delivering the scoop.) If learners know the email address of the person chosen, they can use the email option found at Outpost Oops.

4. After reviewing the list of SCOOPS TO EMAIL located in the SEND AN EMAIL menu at Outpost Oops, students will create and post their own niceness-scoop poster. Students may make their original scoop part of a drawing, painting or photograph.

5. To help learners project, explore and understand themselves, a guide will suggest learners complete the following Oopity (Oo-pi-ty) Activity: After turning the phrases below into complete sentences, learners will draw a picture of Oopity. Learners will be told Oopity can be a gal or guy. They’re also told there are no write or wrong answers.

When a guide and a group of learners finish the Oopity Activity, all will sit in a circle. Then, beginning with the guide, all will be given a chance to share a possible way to complete each of the phrases below. Everyone is allowed to say I pass when she or he prefers not to share.

The phrases to be completed follow:

1. Oopity messed up by . . . .
2. Oopity lost feeling able when . . . .
3. Oopity lost feeling close when . . . .
4. Messing up caused Oopity to feel . . . .
5. Oopity felt hurt when . . . .
6. Oopity hid hurt when . . . .
7. Hiding hurt caused Oopity to feel . . . .
8. Feeling sad let Oopity know . . . .
9. Feeling angry let Oopity know . . . .
10. To get over feeling hurt, Oopity . . . .
11. To feel able again, Oopity . . . .
12. To feel close again, Oopity . . . .
13. Oopity healed when . . . .
14. Being kind helped Oopity feel . . . .
15. Being fair helped Oopity feel . . . .
16. Being humble helped Oopity understand . . . .
17. Oopity feels best when . . . .
18. Oopity gets along with others best when . . . .
19. Oopity stays calm when . . . .
20. Oopity helps others by . . . .

6. Learners will be given the following definition: Empathic humility occurs when someone appreciates that, like others, she or he makes mistakes or has misfortune. Next, learners will describe an instance empathic humility might be helpful. They will also provide two possible empathic humility responses to the instance they describe. One response will be a personal message, during which they remind themselves what it means to be human. The other will be something they might say to someone who has made a mistake or come upon misfortune.

7. Learners will experience a relaxation exercise, possibly a recording that also offers affirmations. After doing so, they’ll discuss the value of putting aside time for routine relaxation. There’s a recording titled Relaxation and Self-Esteem in the NONFICTION menu at Outpost Oops.

8. Learners will explore the use of simple, concrete niceness reminders, such as fastening a colored button to a shirt pocket or wearing a pipe cleaner bracelet. The need for and effectiveness of such reminders will be discussed. In particular, the value of having a guide, or mentor, disclose the helpfulness of using a reminder will be experienced and discussed. Examples of possible statements by guides follow: I find having ways to remind myself to be kind and fair help me not flub up in ways that aren’t nice. Because everyone is sometimes tempted to be unkind or unfair, niceness reminders come in handy.

9. After reading the instructions for playing the Helpful Hobster Game found at Outpost Oops in the GAME menu, students will play the game for at least five minutes, then comment on the experience.

10. Student will explore the nature of psychological hurt by reading the following story: The Sponge Ball Lesson found in the STORIES menu. After reading the story, students will conduct the sponge-ball exercise described in the story with an available relative or friend. Any sponge-like material will do. Just cut whatever is used into a dozen or so pieces.

Strategy Five Lessons: Learners will read and discuss nonfiction and fiction that deals with the obstacles to and benefits of being nice.

1. Learners will read the three nonfiction Outpost Oops ebooks below in the order given. If older learners contend these books are juvenile, instructors will assure them that the information in each is relevant to people of all ages.

Wobsters Worry and Wobble: a kids’ book about being calm and content (ages 8 & up).
Gobster Gobble Gooey Gobs: a kids’ book about hurt (ages 8 & up).
Hobsters Hobble Humbly: a kids’ book about being humble (ages 8 & up)

2. After learners take and review the quiz at the end of each book, they’ll share why it’s sometimes difficult to follow good advice.

3. After learners ages 13 and up finish discussing the Wobbles, Gobbles and Hobbles books, they’ll move on to Niceology: the study of being nice (a nonfiction handbook for teens and adults). While reading each section, learners will note and discuss their reactions.

4. Once learners finish the nonfiction ebooks found at Outpost Oops, they’ll begin reading the fiction ebooks found at the site. After reviewing the list of choices, instructors will select an age-appropriate sequence. When part of a group, instructors may have learners read the same story at the same time so that they can discuss the same Things To Think About questions that end each story. When a question provokes debate, the instructor will encourage learners to use Strategy-Two niceness statements.

Strategy Six Lessons: Learners will simulate ways to guard against unkind or unfair outcomes.

1. Learners will discuss why role-playing niceness is a good way to lessen the likelihood of an exchange resulting in embarrassment, intimidation, conflict and other undesirable outcomes.

2. Learners will role-play the ready-to-use niceness scripts below. Each script portrays someone using kindness or fairness to care well for her or his mind, despite feeling tempted or pressured not to do so.

CIRCUMSTANCE ONE: An individual resists the temptation to retaliate when she or he is putdown.

SCRIPT ONE:

Name-caller: You’re a wimp!

Person Being Nice: When I’m put down, I try to stay polite.

Name-caller: You’re also a loser!

Person Being Nice: Though getting even by calling you a name might feel good at first, I know I’ll end up not thinking much of myself.

Name-caller: What’s that supposed to mean?

Person Being Nice: When I see myself be unkind or unfair, I like myself less. So, I’m not going to try to get even.

Name-caller: Everybody pokes fun at others for a laugh. Don’t you watch TV?

Person Being Nice: You’re right about putdowns being popular, but knowing others aren’t nice doesn’t make it OK for me not be nice.

Name caller: You think you’re better than others.

Person Being Nice: I try to get along in ways that let me liking myself.

CIRCUMSTANCE TWO: An individual is pressured to take drugs. (Other possibilities include being pressured to steal, cheat, lie or intimidate.)

SCRIPT TWO:

Someone Pressuring: I’ve got some great drugs. Let’s have some fun!

Person Being Nice: I can’t take drugs and still feel good about myself.

Someone Pressuring: I thought you were a big girl/boy. What’s the problem?

Person Being Nice: Doing something that keeps me from liking myself is the problem.

Someone Pressuring: We’ll be careful.

Person Being Nice: I may not know as much as you, but I known being careful won’t keep me from feeling bad about myself.

Someone Pressuring: I don’t think you trust me to know how to be careful.

Person Being Nice: The person I need to trust is me. When I don’t stick with doing what it takes to see myself be a nice person, I end up getting down on myself.

Someone Pressuring: You’re not cool.

Person Being Nice: If not wanting to lose liking myself, even a little bit, makes me uncool, then that’s what I am.

3. After learners role-play the above scripts, they’ll construct a circumstance and script that demonstrate the empathic-humility and self-regard needed to be nice to others and oneself. Learners should be encouraged to review the statements listed in Strategy Two. Once learners have a rough draft, they’ll work in small groups and with the instructor to make improvements. After improvements are made, learners will role-play their script. Learners should be warned that, because the responses chosen can be uncommon, they may initially feel awkward.

4. Instructors will have learners continue to practice niceness by creating and role-playing additional scripts. Learners will be encouraged to continue to demonstrate the statements listed in Strategy Two.

5. To further practice the niceness that safeguards self-respect, learners will become familiar with the assertive self-care statements that follow. Beneath each statement, they’ll identify a remark or situation that calls for its use, then construct an assertive follow-up statement. When possible, learners should role-play the calm use of the assertive statements with someone trusted. Also, learners should be told to keep in mind that, while a welcomed possibility, the primary goal isn’t to change another. It’s to be kind and fair to oneself!

(a) I’d like to make sure I took what you said in the way you intended.
(b) I’d like to make sure you took what I said in the way I intended.
(c) I’m concerned that I’m being seen as lacking in some way.
(d) If I’ve said or done something that’s upset you, I’d like to mend things (make amends).
(e) That we see things differently doesn’t mean one of us is completely mistaken, right?
(f) I’ll pass on the offer; I’ve found that regret follows times I don’t stick with what I’m comfortable doing.
(g) Though I should have calmly spoken up sooner, I’m ready to do so now.
(h) Because I regret what I said/did, I’d like to work on repairing things between us.

6. Two ways to begin to state common self-care perspectives that inhibit healing follow. Complete each twice. That is, note four specific instances that cause people to unnecessarily experience lingering unhappiness.

Example One: I’m only good enough if I. . . .
Example Two: Things won’t work out for me unless. . . .

Then, learners will answer the following question: Do you agree that such perspectives, rather than the losses that prompt them, are the cause of much misery? Why or why not?

Strategy Seven Lessons: Students will explore ways to include the study of niceness in usual subject-areas.

To encourage current and prospective mental health guides, particularly those who teach on the secondary level, to develop mental health lessons applicable to specific subject-areas, participants will plan and share a sequential mental health set of lessons relevant to a subject-area. Examples of subject-area topics follow. Of course, when constructing actual lessons, instructors will need to take into account the age of learners:

Possible lessons for students taking English follow:
1. Read and discuss works of fiction that emphasize the benefits of being kind or fair.
2. Discuss and debate newspaper scoops that point out kindness and fairness.
3. Write an essay that describes how human kindness and fairness evolve.
4. Develop dialog that demonstrates how to resist an invitation not to be nice.
5. Create stories or poems that highlight kindness or fairness.

Possible lessons for students taking social studies follow:
1. Investigate ways personal serenity and social harmony are interdependent. 2. Examine the extent to which people engage in name-calling, then ask learners to identify civil ways to counter such putdowns.
3. Research the impact of thank-yous.
4. Debate the value of humility.
5. Explore the inclination to claim two wrongs make a right, then ask learners to identify a kind or fair alternative.
6. Construct and possibly carry out a study that investigates kindness or fairness.
7. Briefly define each of the following list of words, then construct a “Theory of Mental Health Self-Care” crossword puzzle in which the words can be placed: able, close, imperfect, loss, kind, fair, empathic, humble, store, sadness, anger, esteem, nice, trust, heal, healthy, desperate.
8. Give the preceding puzzle to someone who likes doing crossword puzzles and request a reaction.
9. What beliefs about oneself or the world make healing losses difficult.
10. What beliefs about oneself or the world aid mental healing.
11. Investigate sex education topics, such as those noted in Strategy Eight, that stress psychosocial outcomes and ethics.

Possible lessons for students taking science follows:
1. Investigate how mental health is impacted by a complex mixture of heredity and environment.
2. Investigate the possibility of a niceness gene.
3. Explore how positive and negative memories impact mood.
4. Review a correlation study that deals with self-esteem.
5. Review an experimental study that deals with self-esteem.
6. Investigate the importance of distinguishing how correlation and experimental studies are different.
7. Explore how food, sleep or drugs impact mental health.
8. Explore how relaxation and exercise affect the brain.
9. How does a personal belief form?
10. How does a personal belief change? 11) Investigate sex education topics, such as those noted in Strategy Eight, that stress biological outcomes and ethics.

Possible lessons for students taking math follows:
1. Review online or textbook pie charts. Then, create two pie charts. One that shows a way someone might distribute how they acquire ableness, and one the shows the same for closeness.
2. Investigate how statistics might result in a misleading impression of mental health.
3. Find a correlation study dealing with empathy, then describe how the correlation was measured.
4. Track down an experimental study dealing with empathy, then describe how probability was measured.
5. Find an experimental study dealing with self-esteem, then describe and evaluate the “level of significance” noted.
6. Create a formula for assessing an aspect of mental health.

Possible lessons for students taking art or music follows:
1. Draw or paint a picture that reflects kindness or fairness.
2. Make a collage or sculpture that reflects kindness or fairness.
3. Take pictures that convey kindness or fairness.
4. Find and share a song that encourages niceness.
5. Create a song that encourages niceness.

Strategy Eight Lessons: Learners will explore key substance abuse concepts.

As with other unhealthy temptations and decisions, the impulse to misuse drugs is often tied to the degree to which people are struggling to secure ableness or closeness. So, along with understanding the destructiveness of substance abuse, kids need to appreciate how drugs are used to feel able and close. Moreover, they need to be taught how to turn down an invitation to feel good by misusing drugs. Role-playing skits, such as those in Strategy Six Lessons, that focus on dealing with invitations to take drugs can be very helpful.

A way to begin to better protect kids from drugs is having them explore relevant topics with a mentoring adult(s). The guide relaying this task would help parents and kids select a variety of age-appropriate healthcare and university sites offering substance abuse education. Possible topics to explore follow:

1. To a great extent, people typically misuse drugs to feel able and close.
2. Drugs affect the brain and body.
3. It’s never OK for someone other than a parent or medical person to offer kids drugs.
4. Drugs can be placed in what people eat and drink.
5. Resisting the pressure common when trying to make friends takes practice.
6. Shared drugs can pass on diseases.

Strategy Nine Lessons: Learners will explore key sex education concepts.

Kids find out about sex in bits and pieces. Their interest kicks in when they discover they’re infatuated with someone they consider attractive. They may turn to TV, movies, family, friends and the internet for information. That means kids typically acquire a hodgepodge of notions, many of which are unhealthy and unsafe. A way to begin to better prepare kids is having them explore relevant topics with a responsible mentor. Such a mentor would help kids and their guardians select a variety of age-appropriate healthcare and university sites offering sex education. Role-playing skits, such as those in Strategy Six Lessons, that focus on dealing with inappropriate invitations are also very helpful. In addition, kids and parents would be told learning such self-care throughout childhood and adolescence is necessary. Possible topics to explore follow:

1. Sexual behavior is learned.
2. Bodily changes should be relayed so that they can be anticipated.
3. It’s never OK for someone to be sexual with kids.
4. Supervision should safeguard kids.
5. People require boundaries and privacy.
6. Forms of harassment should be understood.
7. Resisting the pressure common when dating takes practice.
8. Sexual contact, including displays of affection, can pass on diseases.
9. Parenthood is for mature individuals ready to be responsible caregivers.
10. Healthy closeness requires getting and giving kindness and fairness.

Please note: Guest speakers can contribute to niceology instruction not only by sharing a time(s) they acquired self-esteem by being kind or fair but also by sharing a time(s) they lost self-esteem by being unkind or unfair. However, instructors should make sure potential guest speakers intend to share age-appropriate occurrences—ones that inspire rather than overwhelm.

Checking for Progress

The checks on progress that follow offer ways to identify the possible effects of niceology instruction. They give learners anonymous opportunities to share the extent to which they (1) see niceness in themselves and others, (2) seek to promote niceness, (3) appreciate basic psychological needs (4) understand the role hurt plays in self-care and (5) find a niceology course useful.

While using the following checks, possibly in a pre- and posttest manner, guides should keep in mind that the learning intended isn’t an over-and-done-with proposition. Also, remember that each student has a unique readiness to learn. Ideally, learners will regularly prioritize and upgrade their kindness and fairness because they realize doing so results in personal tranquility and social harmony.

Scoring: The correct answer to the items in Checking the Niceness of Others, Checking the Niceness of Me and Checking the Study Niceness is true. The best answer to the items in all other checks is often.

Checking the Niceness of Others

Write F for false and T for true.

	____ Others are nice to me.
	____ Others are nice to themselves.
	____ Others are nice to people.
	____ Being nice is important to others.
	____ Others should strive to understand people.

Checking the Niceness of Me

Write F for false and T for true.

	____ I’m nice to others.
	____ I’m nice to me.
	____ Being nice is important to me.
	____ I try lea to learn more about being nice.
	____ I try to understand people.

Checking How People Are Seen

Write 1 for seldom, 2 for sometimes and 3 for often.

	____ People try to be understanding.
	____ Others make thanking those nice important.
	____ People try to appreciate what others are going through.
	____ People are friendly when they disagree.
	____ People thank those who are helpful.
	____ Others show they appreciate kindness.
	____ Others show they appreciate fairness.
	____ People want others to feel safe around them.
	____ People admit when they don’t understand something.
	____ People aren’t quick to judge others.
	____ Others are polite.

Checking How I See Myself

Write 1 for seldom, 2 for sometimes and 3 for often.

	____ I try to understand what others think and feel.
	____ I let people know I’m interested in what they’re saying.
	____ I thank people when the listen carefully to me.
	____ I try to appreciated what others are going through.
	____ I thank people who show respect when they disagree.
	____ I thank people when they’re helpful.
	____ I show I appreciate kindness.
	____ I show I appreciate fairness.
	____ I want others to feel safe around me.
	____ I admit when I don’t understand something.
	____ I’m not quick to judge people.
	____ I try not to interrupt or make a face.
	____ I take time to explain myself.

Checking What Healthy People Realize

Write F for false and T for true.

	____ People need to feel able and close.
	____ Humility helps people understand others.
	____ Humility helps people be kind and fair.
	____ Everyone sometimes fails.
	____ Misfortune brings about a distrust of niceness.
	____ Distrust can leave people feeling desperate.
	____ People sometimes settle for ways to feel able and close that aren’t nice.
	____ Those not being nice can overwhelm those being nice.
	____ Being nice is an excellent way to care for your mind.
	____ It’s important not to give up on niceness.

Checking Hurt and Healing

Write 1 for seldom, 2 for sometimes and 3 for often.

	____ People put themselves down when they put another down.
	____ People hurt themselves when they pretend it’s OK not to be nice.
	____ Hurt people don’t heal gets stored in their memories.
	____ Stored hurt becomes sadness and anger.
	____ People heal hurt when they replace feeling able or close in nice ways.
	____ Being humble helps people heal hurt.

Checking the Study of Niceness

Write1 for seldom, 2 for sometimes and 3 for often.

____ Studying niceness helps me care for my mind.

____ Reading scoops about niceness is useful.

____ Reading stories about niceness is helpful.

____ Sending thank-you notes is helpful.

____ Role-playing niceness is useful.

____ Learning about hurt and how to heal it is important.

____ I will continue to learn about niceness.

____ Others should continue to study niceness.

Seeking Professional Help

The information provided by using the preceding Checking For Progress tools can indicate a possible need for a follow-up assessment, such as requesting a school counselor or psychologist conduct a follow-up evaluation. Such assessments would explore the possible helpfulness of a mental health professional. The reasons for seeking professional counseling can range from pursuing personal growth to dealing with feelings of hopelessness. Generally, discontentment has been somewhat persistent.

When selecting a mental health professional, meet with and choose from at least three recommended, qualified individuals. Also, keep in mind that you have a right to be given counseling options. To help you understand usual counseling options, three possibilities follow. Each is a distinct, reasonable option that can be explained not only to adults but also to kids. When given an opportunity to choose among them, you should be assured that you can change your mind.

1. Support Counseling is chosen by those who seek understanding and encouragement. Though perspective change may occur, it is not directly sought. In conjunction, the counselor does not deliberately confront clients. Clients struggling with a loss and/or those who find insight too unpleasant often prefer supportive counseling.

2. Relief Counseling is chosen when people have a symptom(s) they wish to lessen and/or an adaptive behavior they wish to increase. Sometimes offered in conjunction with medication, relief counseling typically eases distress in a relatively short period of time. Relaxation exercises for anxiety, lifestyle changes for depression and desensitization for phobias are examples of relief counseling.

3. Insight Counseling is typically chosen by those seeking a change in perspective. Because this type of counseling involves helping clients alter how they see themselves and the world, it can be lengthy and difficult. In conjunction, counselors inform individuals that, because insight counseling explores regrettable patterns, it often increases clients’ distress for a time. Knowing this, understandably, sometimes prompts individuals to opt for support or relief counseling.

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Niceology Instruction Guide

Checking for Progress

Checking the Niceness of Others

Checking the Niceness of Me

Checking How People Are Seen

Checking How I See Myself

Checking What Healthy People Realize

Checking Hurt and Healing

Checking the Study of Niceness

Seeking Professional Help