Gobsters
Gobble
Gooey
Gobs:

a book about hurt

Outpost Oops

1

Hello

Gobsters are a part of everyone. They gobble gooey gobs of hurt when we’re not ready to heal the gobs. Their gobbling lets us hide our hurt. Learning about gobsters and hurt will help you be nice and healthy. Being nice makes it easier for you to get along with others and to feel good about yourself. Gobbles, a make-believe green gobster, offers tips.

2

What is hurt?

Hurt is a natural feeling. It happens when we lose someone or something important to us. It’s a gooey, yucky gob that sticks around until we heal it.

Not being nice can cause people to be hurtful. Sometimes we’re not nice because we don’t make being nice a big deal. Other times, we’re not nice because we don’t trust being nice. We don’t trust it because we think it will let others get ahead of us or take advantage of us.

Hiding Hurt

Again, our gobsters hide, or store, our hurt. They’re more likely to hide it when we’ve learned having hurt makes us a sissy. Continuing to hurt hide keeps it a gooey, unpleasant memory.

3

It’s important to remember that having hurt makes us a human, not a sissy. Admitting we have hurt makes us brave, not weak. Letting our gobster hide our hurt for a little while is OK. Doing so gives us time to choose a good way to heal, or get over, our hurt. But it’s important to remember hidden hurt doesn’t fade away.

When our gobster hides a lot of hurt, the gooey gobs pile up. Carrying around oodles of hurt causes us to have a heap of unpleasant memories. These memories become reasons to be sad and angry.

4

What We Need

What do we really need? Along with food, shelter and safety, people need to feel close and able. A way to feel close is to spend time with relatives, friends or pets. A way to feel able is to succeed at something on our own.

There are many ways to feel close and able. Making one way too important can make getting hurt too easy. So, it’s best to have a few good ways to feel close and to feel able.

Having to feel close or able in a certain way can be hurtful. Thinking we have to feel close to someone who’s not interested in being our friend can cause us to feel let down. Also, thinking we have to feel able in a way that makes us likely to mess up can keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

5

Try to remember that no one always succeeds when she or he tries to feel close or able. Finding good friends and f/-un activities often takes time. So, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Also, no one has to be terrific at something to be happy. Thinking we have to be super good at something makes it easy for us to somewhat lose feeling good about ourselves. You don’t have to be great at something to get enough closeness and ableness.

A very helpful way to feel close or able is to be nice. We’re nice when we’re kind and fair. Everyone can be kind and fair. That means we all can like ourselves and enjoy life.

6

Gooey Gobs Stick Around

Again, the gooey gobs of hurt our gobster gobbles don’t disappear. Instead, they become a heap of unpleasant memories. Recalling these memories upsets us. We show we’re upset by becoming sad and angry.

7

Ignoring more and more hurt can cause us to become sadder and angrier. People see us as down when we’re sad and cranky when we’re angry. Because others don’t want to be around someone down or cranky, they’re likely to avoid us. That means we won’t feel as close to them. Because being down or cranky makes it hard to concentrate and get things done, we’re also less likely to feel able to succeed.

8

Parents

Parents want their kids to succeed. So, when their kids mess up, they often tell their kids to try harder.

If you feel trying hard doesn’t help you do better, share what you’re reading with a parent. Doing so may help you explain that everyone has things they don’t do well. It may also help you explain that wanting something too much can cause hurt and unhappiness.

9

Healing

People can store hurt for a long time. Adults carry around some gooey gobs of hurt their gobster stored long ago. Stored gobs can turn into lots of sadness and anger. So, learning how to heal hurt is very important.

To heal, or get over, hurt, people must get what they need. Usually, this means we must get more closeness or ableness. We heal best when we feel close and able in nice ways. That’s because kindness and fairness let us feel good about ourselves. They let us see ourselves as a good person we and others can trust.

10

Steps for Healing Hurt

Step 1: Admit you’re hurt. Sometimes, it helps to tell another you’re hurt. Always, you must tell yourself. Without admitting you’re hurt, you can’t own it. You own it when you truly believe it will cause you to be sad or angry until you heal it.

Step 2: Figure out the need(s) you somewhat lost. Was it the need to be close, able or safe?

Step 3: Replace what you lost.
Some examples follow:

a) If you lose a friend, find another way to feel close. You might join a club.

b) If you fail at something, find a new way to feel able. You might try a hobby.

c) If you’ve been getting and giving putdowns with someone, try to feel safe by using compliments rather than putdowns. If the person continues to put you down, feel safer by spending less or no time with her or him.

d) If wanting something too much has you feeling down, tell yourself there are other ways to feel close and able.

e) Remind yourself that being a nice person is a super way to get closeness and ableness. Then, show niceness.

11

Some Healing Takes Time

Losing much closeness, such as losing a close friend, or much ableness, such as losing a special skill takes time to heal. During such times, our gobster always gobbles some hurt. There’s just too much hurt to heal at one time.

When healing a big loss, remind yourself there are always other ways to get what you need. Also, remember that sadness and anger are usual. Above all, keep in mind that nothing helps people heal faster than seeing themselves be a nice person—someone kind and fair.

12

You Don’t Forget

Healing hurt doesn’t mean forgetting what you lost. It means remembering what you lost without becoming more than a little sad or angry. So, don’t think you’re supposed to forget hurtful losses.

Also, keep in mind that less sadness and anger means less getting and giving hurt. Less hurt means feeling calmer and happier. If you stick with the Three Steps for Healing, you’ll discover new ways to enjoy life.

13

Being Humble

We’re humble when we realize that, like everyone else, we sometimes make mistakes that hurt us and others. We also understand that misfortune and loneliness can cause us to become unkind and unfair.

Being humble helps us be less likely to put others and ourselves down. It does this by making us more likely to realize everyone sometimes struggles to get what they need. Realizing this makes it easier for us to be nice to anyone struggling to feel close or able.

14

When To Get Help

If our gobster gobbles a lot of hurt, we can stay sad and angry. Staying sad and angry makes us more likely not to be nice and less likely to like ourselves. That means we’re more likely to store hurt. Having our gobster gobble oodles of hurt can cause us to become very sad and very angry.

When it seems too hard to heal your hurt, get help. Share feeling confused, sad, angry or unsafe with an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher, the school counselor or the school nurse. Tell the person you talk to Outpost Oops said it helps to share unpleasant feelings.

Helpful Reminders

Discuss each of the five reminders below with those you trust:

1. People can make someone or something too important.

2. Someone feeling sad or angry usually has hurt to heal.

15

3. People can’t put another down without hurting themselves.

4. A mess-up doesn’t make someone a bad person who deserves to have hurt.

5. Giving up on niceness makes things worse.

Thanks for learning about hurt. People willing to learn about it become nicer and happier. They make the world a better place. Keep in mind that this book helps most when it’s reread from time to time.

16

17