Sometimes bolstered by extraordinary occurrences, such as answered prayers, psychic communication, divine signs or near death experiences, many believe they’ll one day transcend to a glorious paradise. In contrast, others find misfortune, injustice and suffering make doubts about an ultimate utopia difficult to douse. Such skeptics find a world where some are free to hoard all they want while others scrounge for crumbs bewildering.
Differences aside, people generally hope to be everlasting. Though we may not always seem interested in or feel worthy of immortality, we ponder a consciousness endures in a spiritual realm. For children, the best means of deserving an afterlife can be concisely summed up as follows: Be nice. As young kids typically see it, niceness, shown by being kind and fair, is a natural, sensible and virtuous means of showing they deserve a new and improved existence.
Though teens usually also consider a willingness to be kind and fair a righteous matter with hereafter consequences, the ballooning pressure to get ahead causes their interest in niceness to wane. With the onset of adulthood, the push to achieve socially and economically is in full bloom, often prompting adults to see niceness as a show of weakness that can hinder their progress. Throughout our adult years, we readily tell ourselves mature individuals stand ready to devalue and disregard niceness so that they can do what it takes to meet their needs.
Unfortunately, there’s a huge downside to discounting niceness: Doing so disarms us by limiting the kindness and fairness needed to experience mental and spiritual wellness. Without showing sufficient niceness, we’re unable to generate the self-worth that forges good health. There is, however, a way to rearm—a way to restore and prioritize niceness. That way is learning to undertake empathic humility, during which we understand we’re all vulnerable to succumbing to the temptation to be unkind or unfair.
By helping us take into account how adversity influences people, empathic humility fortifies our conscience. More specifically, it generates the wisdom needed to better acquire ableness and closeness—needs basic not only to our survival but also to our spirituality. Key to such wisdom is a willingness to recognize that the hurt following many of our losses signals a need for healing. In conjunction, rather than stew in the sadness, anger, blame and retaliation hurt can fuel, we gain the clarity and will needed to acquire the optimism and harmony characteristic of healing.
When getting-ahead brings about puzzlement and disappointment, we can come to feel spiritually adrift. Wanting to drop anchor, we may search for a source of inspiration. If we’ve already decided niceness is a naive, unreliable means of coping, our search can be disheartening. Wanting to end our dismay, we may seek a spiritual marvel. Regrettably, we often fail to realize the niceness spurred by empathic humility is a super-healthy, unparalleled way for us to become the marvel we seek.
Even when long diminished, our inclination to give and get niceness can be restored. We can begin such restoration with empathic humility, during which our appreciation for the adversity and vulnerability humans experience prompts us to see such insight as a precious means of experiencing wholeness. When earnestly travelled, the road called empathic humilty can provide the soul-nourishing boost in the kindness and fairness needed to obtain greater integrity, dignity and tranquility.