The Wonder Of Being Nice

The Wonder

of Being Nice

a down-to-earth,

sometimes surprising

guide to caring

for your mind

Barbara Frechette, DNP,

RN, PMHNP-BC

Outpost Oops

Contents

Introduction 1

Basic Care 6

Hodgepodge Notions 11

The Misguided List 13

Hurt’s an Alert 15

Kids 18

Not So Deep Down 21

The Making-Do List 24

Useful Futility 32

We’re Limited 34

Be Encouraged 37

Taking Control 40

Taking Control Phrases 41

Putdowns 44

Empathic Humility 49

Trust 54

Regret 57

Rejection 61

Not a Cure-All 65

More Notions To Explore 67

Exploration Activities 72

Guilt and Resentment 76

Healing and Mercy 78

Aloneness and Self-Worth 82

Niceology 86

Empathic-Humility Statements 89

Alternative Communication 92

Up For Grabs 96

A Final List 98

Conclusion 101

Introduction

If you’re interested in exploring how you might improve your mental self-care, this book may be a stumbled upon opportunity to reflect on some useful, though sometimes unex-pected, suggestions.

As you read, keep in mind that there’s a nurturing guide within you who, when allowed, will point you toward chances to give and get niceness.

As you’ll read again and again,

key to good mental self-care is being a nice person.

Opportunities to show niceness occur

far more often than you think.

Though there aren’t known humans on other planets with whom we can compare ourselves, it’s reasonable to conclude the amount of misery on Earth is weep-worthy.

There is, however, good news: We can improve. We can greatly lessen how much unhappiness we endure. With a willingness to upgrade the mental health skills passed along, we can bring about better self-care and greater contentment.

Haphazardly learning to care for our mind is, unfortunately, usual. Be cautious of times the world offers a reward for doing something that devalues being nice.

Too often it’s too easy to take our mental well-being for granted. Consider this: That many prefer the company of pets over people is understandable.

Even in the midst of trying times,

humans can, when adequately prepared,

manage to pull amazing kindness

and fairness out of their hats.

Basic Care

Though The Wonder Of Being Nice is a no-frills approach to carrying out basic mental self-care, the sugges-tions offered sometimes require a willingness to do a bit of risk-taking. So, be patient with yourself.

Here’s a get-started notion to ponder: Good mental self-care calls for all to overcome the temptation not to be niceWe all, at times, are inclined to choose not-nice over nice.

When getting along with another suddenly feels

like scurrying through a park during a hail storm,

grab hold of your niceness tightly.

Caring well for our mind occurs when we use niceness to feel able to achieve and to feel close to a another (person, pet). We’re nice when we’re kind and fair. Ableness and closeness are our basic mental needs. Kindness and fairness are the best means of obtaining these needs.

Thoroughly question the tips and strategies offered in this book, especially when you find them unlike what you thought to be so.

We feel able when we’re successful or autonomous, and we feel close when we’re connected or involved.

Caring well for our mind calls for us to see being nice as something we do for ourselves. We don’t need to receive niceness to benefit from giving niceness.

Because kindness and fairness can be contrary to the way the world works, sticking with them requires us to regularly show resolve.

When it comes to ensuring ableness

and closeness are sufficiently obtained,

kindness and fairness are the “keys to the kingdom.”

Healthy individuals make being nice

the cornerstone of their well-being.

Hodgepodge Notions

Early in our lives, we begin to form notions that explain why and how we should obtain ableness and close-ness. Because these notions mirror the hodgepodge of hit-or-miss info available to us, we end up with both nice notions and not-nice ones.

Again, improving our mental self-care occurs best when we stick with nice ways to meet our needs. Adopting and strengthening nice notions require lifelong attention.

Like a presentable appearance,

a presentable mind

requires regular upkeep.

The Misguided List

1. We’ve all been misguided.

2. Misguided neediness often overrides logic.

3. Misguided actions enable us to survive imperfect conditions.

4. Misguidedness brings about unnecessary losses and hurt.

5. Our awareness of being misguided may not prompt corrections.

6. We can be too misguided to consider we’re misguided.

7. Sometimes, assuming we’re misguided is healthy.

8. Well-guided children learn to replace the refuge called innocence with the fortress called niceness.

9. Good mental health entails lifelong healing, during which we learn to overcome much misguid-edness.

Hurt’s an Alert

Because we’re taught displaying hurt shows weakness, we often struggle to see our hurt as an alert—a signal warning us to evaluate how a loss occurred. When seen as an alert, hurt can prompt the concern and insight needed to pursue healing.

Keep in mind that ignored hurt gets stored as memories—recollections that fuel sadness and anger. Over time, sadness can become depression and anger can become rage.

Given we often transform our hurt into sadness and anger, seeing our hurt as an alert is more likely when we first accept the transformation takes place.

Discovering not-nice notions that set the stage for avoidable hurt is an outstanding step toward change. Because we sense healing requires us to bear exploring the hurt that follows our losses, such exploration often takes self-care spunk.

Hurt’s an unpleasant, but helpful, warning.

It signals a need to question

and possibly upgrade how

we obtain ableness and closeness.

Kids

Because kids must make use of the ways to feel able and close available to them, they adopt not only nice (healthy) but also not-nice (unhealthy) habits.

Not until adolescence, when a surge in a desire for independence occurs, are kids likely to question what they’ve been taught. Often looking to peers for answers, teens may latch onto rebellious notions, some of which aren’t nice.

Far too many kids lack the minimum daily mental health requirements provided when kindness and fairness are routinely modeled by mentors.

Unfortunately, better recognizing misguidedness hasn’t prompted the powers that be to do a better job ensuring kids are adequately taught healthy mental self-care. Would adults get their child rearing priorities straight if advanced, well-meaning extraterrestrials made the case for being nice?

The popular wing-it parenting that persists

is a hard, but not impossible, nut to crack.

To get the cracking underway,

we must make niceness a prized very big deal.

Not So Deep Down

Though we get good at pretending we’re unaware of being unkind or unfair, deep down and often not so deep down we usually know when each is so.

Moreover, because we realize not being nice keeps us from liking ourselves, we suspect the case for staying nice is a good one. Even more useful, when niceness boosts our self-esteem, we sense healthy self-care has occurred.

Appreciating the self-respect lost when we’re unkind or unfair is a fabulous about-face.

Accepting it’s useless to pretend we can feel good about ourselves while continuing to be unkind or unfair is a super helpful self-care break-through.

Sacrificing a material gain so that we can experience the well-being brought about by seeing ourselves be kind or fair is an amazing triumph.

Anytime we deliver payback

we’re the primary recipient.

Two not-nices don’t make a nice, right?

The Making-Do List

Though not-nice notions are faulty, we hold onto them because they allow us to scrape together make-do ableness and closeness. That is, they do something vital: They help us meet our mental needs.

A variety of not nice notions are given on the next six pages. A nice-notion alternative follows each in parentheses.

1. Search for someone you can’t live without. (Obtaining ableness and closeness in a variety of replaceable ways is best.)

2. Always do your best. (Constantly striving to excel typically brings about an unsettling intolerance of failure.)

3. Seek to fulfill a dream despite ongoing disappointment. (Insisting a dream comes true results in much unhappiness. Seek fantasizing that’s a carefree brief break from reality.)

4. Decide a certain something has to take place. (There are many kind or fair ways to feel able and close.)

5. Hiding times you feel over-whelmed is a good idea. (When we openly accept our limits, we make losses easier to manage or avoid.)

6. Putting down another or ourselves is a harmless way to have fun. (Though we sometimes pretend it isn’t so, putting others or ourselves down causes us to somewhat lose feeling like a nice person.)

7. Taking sides helps settle differences. (Neutrality that makes niceness a priority is usually the stance that result in compromise and peacemaking.)

8. Getting even is a good idea. (Often a strong, festering desire, retaliation typically continues give and get hurtful ill-will.)

9. Backing down is what cowards do. (Unless escape is impossible, retreat-ing is a healthy means of seeking safety.)

10. People are, for the most part, thick-skinned. (Incoming comments are personalized. We rarely separate what is said about us from us.)

11. People are inclined to carefully analyze situations. (We’re seldom taught well to put forth the effort sound reasoning requires).

12. Getting down on ourselves after losing out strengthens our self-respect. (Being a good sport is what makes us inclined to like ourselves. Winning is typically puffed up fluff.)

13. Some people are too responsible to go berserk. (Everyone has a snapping point of no return. During such eruptions, much harm can occur.)

14. Humility indicates failure. (Humility is a perspective-gaining contributor to good mental self-care. Don’t confuse humility with humili-ation.)

15. Being nice isn’t good enough. (Healthy people know niceness results in sufficient self-worth.)

16. People should be leery of being nice. (Though sometimes exploited, niceness is the most reliable source of mental nourishment.)

17. Being merciful excuses bad behavior. (When motivated by em-pathic-humility, the merciful recognize and promote niceness.)

18. Niceness is overvalued. (When defined as kindness and fairness, niceness is an unmatched means of displaying good mental self-care.)

Becoming nicer doesn’t mean

we’ll eventually be without the readiness

and willingness to fend off mistreatment.

Increasing our niceness makes us

more likely to avoid harm in ways

that are a well-measured last resort.

Useful Futility

Again, we ensure our mental survival, in part, by adopting notions that aren’t nice. Over time, our reliance on such notions makes letting go of them difficult. Often, for us to give up on them, we must experience useful futility, during which we decide such notions aren’t worth the trouble they cause.

Without useful futility, the faultiness of not-nice notions worsens, often resulting in regrettable choices.

See crying uncle, during which you give up on a not-nice notion, not as a massive submission recognizing failure, but as the massive admission that precedes the release of a great burden. Illuminating utility requires us to ditch darkening futility.

We’re Limited

Those of us who don’t eke out an existence often find the but-for-bad-luck-go-I reality of some hard to appreciate. Though niceness is a mighty mental skill, the amount of goodwill it can generate is limited.

Sometimes sensing that helping those bad off might leave us feeling overburdened, we limit our concern and aid. Even when neediness is expressed by those close to us, our help is usually limited.

Having learned that helpfulness is a virtue, we can be prone to thinking our support of others should be limitless. As a result, we can be unrealistic when it comes to taking on the role of rescuer.

There’s almost always a way to contend we could and should do more to be helpful. Though excellent ways to help each other, our kindness and fairness aren’t boundless, making adequate self-care essential.

As long known,

exceptional helpfulness

bolsters the self-care

of those being helped.

Be Encouraged

Let’s suppose that, like most, you aren’t inclined to react to distressful losses by questioning your self-care habits. Let’s also assume your current lifestyle keeps you from putting aside the time needed to do adequate mental self-care.

Despite the above factors, you’re reading page 38 of this book. That’s very encouraging! It indicates there’s a part of you—a nurturing guide—who wants to improve your mental self-care.

As sugggested, niceness is, at times, not only risky but also scary. Everyone is sometimes afraid to be nice. We can’t predict when we might encounter someone ready to unload a hunk of stashed hurt by way of disparaging remarks or, worse yet, by way of an intimidating tantrum.

Politely exiting the presence of desperate individuals isn’t always possible. In turn, mistreatment, sometimes calls for profssional intervention.

Expecting children to endure exposure

to a parent resistant to niceness

—someone toting much stored hurt—

is, too often, sufferable.

Take Control

Head off times you’re tempted not to be nice by privately repeating one of the take-control phrases on the next page. Don’t let feeling awkward at first deter you from restating the phrase until you’re no longer tempted to be impatient, harsh or not nice in another way.

As noted in the last take-control phrase given, the price for not being nice is too high. That price is a chunk of self-esteem.

Take Control Phrases

1. No, it’s not OK.

2. Don’t try to fool yourself.

3. Listen to your inner guide.

4. Choose to like yourself.

5. Stay nice.

6. The price is too high.

Another way to lessen the temptation to be unkind or unfair is to memorize and recall a nice notion that counters a not-nice one you’d like to discard. Provided the nice counter notion sufficiently rings true, recalling it should be helpful.

Focusing on one of the niceness tips you come across while reading this book may help you get the preceding strategy underway.

Sometimes, dealing with a not-nice

notion calls for us to firmly buckle up

and sincerely buckle down.

Find and use a self-talk phase

that helps you trigger niceness.

Putdowns

Unfortunately, thinking it’s some-times OK to put others or ourselves down is common. However, because putdowns are usually easy to spot, reducing their use can be a quick way to gain self-care confidence.

A self-talk reminder that can lessen the urge to use putdowns follows: Because I know putting others or myself down hurts me, I intend to work at using putdowns less. I’m capable of better respecting others and myself.

What’s more useful: being nice or having good-looks? When the standard applied is how well someone is able to avoid putdowns, good looks is typically the winner.

Keep in mind that those who put others down only hurt themselves. They do so by bringing about a loss of self-esteem. For those put down to feel hurt, they must mistakenly decide putdowns prove they’re inferior. Unnecessarily feeling inferior is the cause of much unnecessary unhappiness.

To ensure self-worth, we must value niceness. Regularly shore up your self-worth by treating yourself to meditative sessions, during which you repeat and celebrate the self-talk that follows: By being a nice person, I can and will like myself. It’s important for me to remember that no person or loss can take from me the dignity and integrity I earn by being a kind and fair person.

Relaxation exercises and tranquil music may enhance the above activity.

Each of us determines her or his self-worth. Imagine a world in which the word putdown and words similar to it, such as insult or snub, are obsolete.

Remember, despite what the world may tell you, your kindness and fairness are reasons enough to greatly value your existence. See niceness as an unparalleled saving grace.

Committing to kindness and fairness

is a challenging, but fulfilling, undertaking.

It’s the real-deal means of feeling worthy!

Try as we may to complicate matters,

healthy people are, simply put, nice people.

Empathic-Humility

The following self-talk statement is a central self-care reminder. Ponder it not only when down in the dumps but also when things are going well: By routinely mustering empathic-humility, I become more likely to show myself and others the kindness and fairness that results in reliable ableness and closeness. That is, I become more likely to enjoy good mental health.

By confirming we’re all flawed beings, empathic-humility brings about the compassion we need to engage in the give-and-get health-promoting niceness. Without empathic-humility, finding the incentive needed to maintain our well-being can be difficult.

Talking and writing about kindness and fairness are frequent. Stressing how empathic-humility helps us commit to such niceness is infre-quent.

An emphatic-humility reminder for kids follows: Remembering that everyone, including me, sometimes flubs up will help me give and get niceness.

When grown-ups model owning flaws and blunders, kids will do likewise. If you mentor kids, let them hear you express empathic-humility when recognzing run of the mill mistakes. Examples of statements that help get empathic-humility underway follow:

1. I sometimes make choices I wish I could take back.

2. I occasionally judge another or myself in an uncalled for way.

3. Every now and then, the memory of a past mistake grabs hold of me.

4. Coming up short, especially when trying to be helpful, has caused me to unfairly get down on myself.

5. I’ve found feeling embarrassed for not being nice easier to confess when I see it as human.

Empathic-humility reveals we’re

all well-meaning, weary warriors.

Trust

Because being nice doesn’t always help us bring about ableness and closeness, trusting it can be difficult. Reflecting on the self-care reminder like the one below can help foster trust: Within me is a nurturing guide who wants me to rely on kindness and fairness. When allowed to take charge, this part of me makes choices that best ensure I have self-esteem and peace of mind. In the midst of misfortune resulting in anxiety or gloom, this part remains my comforting guardian.

A few simpler versions of the preceding reminder follow. Mulling them can help both kids and adults better trust themselves:

1. Don’t let not being treated well keep you from staying nice.

2. Remember, being cranky keeps you from liking yourself.

3. Step up with niceness, not down with finding fault.

4. Show yourself you can be trusted to stay nice.

Here’s a quick self-trust test:

Do I remain nice when I suspect

doing so won’t be returned?

Regret

Having regret isn’t merely wishing we could take back a mistake. It’s also a chance to explore how to better give and get ableness and closeness.

We can’t always atone, but we can always learn to be a nicer person—a more caring sibling, friend, partner, parent, co-worker, etc. Empathic-humility statements that express regret are on the next two pages. Recalling one or more may help you get healing underway.

1. I wish I hadn’t delayed admitting I was unkind (or unfair).

2. Given how I mistreated you, I wouldn’t feel safe around me if I were you. I intend to work hard to be trustworthy.

3. I mistakenly thought I was above acting in a way that’s unkind or unfair. I want to change for the better.

4. I lost not only your respect but also my self-respect when I was unkind (or unfair).

5. Knowing I can’t erase the harm I’ve done makes me more determined to be kinder and fairer.

6. Putting my my regret to use by being a nicer person is what mattters.

7. I want to do more than say I’m sorry. I want to change the messed up way I see things.

8. I’m going to try hard to earn mercy.

Let your regret be an invitation

to show greater niceness

and, as a result, be worthy of mercy.

Rejection

Rejection can be tough to overcome. That’s because it typically brings about not only a hefty loss of feeling able and close but also a hefty loss of feeling worthy of these needs.

Though ending the daily doldrums and discord stashed hurt brings about, break-ups can debilidate those rejected. In turn they can make spotting and overcoming a notion in the way of recovery an uphill slog.

Sometimes finding their neediness preoccupying, the rejected can become consumed with quickly restoring ableness and closeness. Put another way, bouncing back can become a desperate hunt—an ordeal that results in regrettable choices.

If you struggle with rejection, select, mull and put to use one or two of the nice (healthy) notions that follow:

1. Being nice, especially when I’m weary, will ease my pain.

2. Not valuing myself has kept me stuck in an unhealthy relationship.

3. I want to strive for the niceness I need rather than the illusion I crave.

4. Thinking I’ll one day be who another thinks I should be doesn’t make sense.

5. My sadness and anger won’t subside until I sufficiently heal the hurt fueling them.

Getting jilted can be a daily haymaker to the gut

when we’ve decided to weigh our worth

a scale that measures the degree to which

another finds us attractive rather the

degree to which we see ourselves as nice.

Not A Cure-All

The self-care described in this book isn’t a cure-all. Though committing to kindness and fairness is vital to good mental health, doing so isn’t always sufficient. On the contrary, medications and/or counseling are sometimes very helpful.

This book is meant to be but one possible source of support. Use it to help craft a custom-made, self-care plan of action.

Regularly set aside time for relaxing

with eyes closed, music mellow,

blankie snug and self-talk reassuring.

More Notions To Explore

1. Needing to hurdle the suvival strategies made available to us during childhood is a shared task.

2. Because of all the usual ball-dropping on Earth, healthy mental self-care habits need bolstering.

3. Caught off guard by stored hurt, everyone, on occasion, bobs on tippy toes for a self-care breath.

4. We often overlook desperation and overrate resilience.

5. Our self-control becomes fragile when we ignore the need for ongoing self-care.

6. Though our hurt can’t be com-pletely resolved, it can be lessened.

7. Useful self-exploration is typically self-demystifying.

8. Empathic-humility lessens the agony losses bring about when it’s seen as the grand humanizer.

9. Much of what we consider to be necessary is unnecessary.

10. Our criticism of others is often misdirected displeasure with our-selves.

12. We sometimes project an unhealthy persistence onto each other. Remember that giving up has its place.

13. See ableness, closeness, niceness, empathic-humility and mercy as key mental health terms.

14. Feeling payback is due won’t prevent the loss of self-respect usual when we stoop to returning fire.

15. When at the expense of another, laughter typically causes the ridiculer to think less of her/himself.

16. When well-appreciated, mental setbacks are timesavers.

17. Mental self-care is, in part, an unending string of adjustments.

The next time you’re tempted to let

being right run roughshod over being nice,

try settling for a mere modest shrug.

Exploration Activities

If guiding learners, promote their self-care by asking them to select a notion(s) from this book. Then, have them explore the notion(s) chosen by way of an essay, poem, drawing, photograph or other creative means.

A second exploration activity entails having learners review the tips on the next two pages. Next, have learners discuss the tips they find unexpected or puzzling.

1. Demonstrating a willingness to unruffle feathers is nifty nice.

2. People take most of what’s said about them to heart.

3. Stand up to yourself before you stand up for yourself.

4. Iffy advice arrives regularly.

5. Good mental health self-care can seem fishy at first.

6. Accepting our humanity can be both inspiring and scary.

7. Thank goodness we can’t be anything we want to be.

8. Too often, we rush to our reserved seat in the peanut gallery.

9. Try as we may, our hurt can’t be whisked away.

10. Mercy, rather than forgiveness, is a doable contributor to healing.

That we store more hurt and stifle more niceness

than we realize are good reasons to rejoice

when we embrace the empathic-humility

needed to lessen both occurrences.

Guilt and Resentment

We learn to hold others and ourselves responsible for wrong-doing. We’re quick to identify with the guilty mistreater or the resentful mistreated.

Once guilt or resentment preoccupies us, we usually fail to realize they have something in common: Both cause us to downplay our trial-and-error mistake-prone nature. Instead, we get wrapped up in accusing others and/or ourselves of misdeeds.

That our humanness easily trips us up is all

the more reason to teach kindness and fairness

out of the childhood self-care gate.

Healing and Mercy

Our lives are, in part, a series of losses. Burdened by shortcomings and misfortune, we find ourselves time and again needing to replace lost ableness and closeness.

Take time to mull the eight healthy notions that follow. Keep in mind that getting the healing-ball rolling happens best when empathic-humility brings about a show of mercy.

1. When our mental health is taken into account, niceness is far more than a pleasantry.

2. When overly emphasized, wanting to get ahead can cause us to rashly dismiss kindness and fairness.

3. The niceness on Earth can be somewhat spotty. Be encouraged when you come upon someone kind or fair.

4. Be careful: Pouncing to fit in can create cracks to fall through.

5. Examples of self-care kindness are helpfulness, encouragement, gener-osity, gentleness and mercy.

6. Examples of self-care fairness are respect, cooperation, inclusion, trustworthiness and mercy. (Mercy is kind and fair.)

7. Remind yourself that mental mending often calls for us to wear empathic-humility spectacles.

8. The sticking-with-niceness check-ered flag is waved modestly, not boastfully.

Once again, feeling able and close

by way of being nice is what best contributes

to our survival, healing and betterment.

Aloneness and Self-Worth

Though often quick to listen to those commenting on our worth, we alone have the say that matters when it comes to deciding the extent to which we see ourselves as up to snuff.

The important question is this: How can we ensure our aloneness results in self-esteem and serenity, rather than self-doubt and turmoil?

Once again, seeing ourselves be kind and fair is an unequaled self-care mainstay. There isn’t a more reliable means of forging an aloneness that confirms the self-worth needed to sustain a healthy sense of well-being.

While love is commonly seen as the grandest source of feeling worthy, only love that features give-and-get kindness and fairness ensures the ongoing healing needed to maintain good mental health.

A court only we attend, our aloneness is the state in which we’re both defendant and judge. Day in and day out, we pass down verdicts that declare the extent to which we deserve ableness and closeness.

If you sometimes feel you’re sur-rounded by those with the backbone you lack, know that all endure an aloneness in which they sometimes feel insecure.

Niceness turns meandering loneliness

into purposeful aloneness.

Niceology

Niceness should be a part of all curriculums—preschool through col-lege. Moreover, it should be an area of study with the same status as established school subjects, thereby ensuring kindness and fairness are thoroughly explored and practiced.

Outpost Oops recommends a new subject, called niceology, be studied each school year. Niceology courses would feature role-playing exercises as well as discussion-groups.

A six-step example of a niceolgy role-playing exercise follows:

1. Tell learners they’re about to debate whether or not putdowns are an OK way to kid around.

2. After putting learners in pairs, instruct them to take turns being for and against the use of putdowns.

3. Once each pair debates for several minutes, have them exchange a few of the empathic-humility statements on pages 89 and 90.

4. Next, have learners size up the role-play exercise. Having them evaluate the empathic-humility state-ments they used is especially important.

5. Tell learners that expressing empathic-humility will get easier with practice.

6. Lastly, have learners identify additional notions that prompt disagreement. Then, have them create, role-play and refine empathic-humility responses to the notions they note.

Empathic-Humility Statements

1. I’d like to better understand what you’re saying.

2. Being too sure of myself some-times makes it hard for me to appreciate the view of others.

3. Wanting to be right is keeping me from being open.

4. I think how I put things is in the way of us getting along.

5. Wanting to be sharp is keeping me from appreciating your view.

6. I need to watch out for the temptation to be pushy or stubborn.

7. Having us respect each other is important to me.

8. I’d like to search for what we share.

9. Overlooking the good fortunate I’ve had can cause me to think I know more than others.

Rather than providing letter grades,

niceology mentors would encourage learners

by ensuring they have opportunities

to get and give supportive feedback.

Alternative Communication

As suggested, an alternative style of communicating is needed. Rather than try to slough off mistakes, particularly those that are unkind and unfair, the alternative style would emphasize empathic-humility.

As with the examples of empathic-humility already given, putting the list that follows to use can seem risky. Keep in mind that such honesty eventually strengthens self-esteem.

1. I’m guessing it’s odd to hear me say I’m concerned I’ll be disre-spectful.

2. I’m working at spotting times I mistakenly assume I’m kind and fair.

3. That I sometimes don’t resist the temptation to be flippant is embar-rassing.

4. Not expecting others will brush off an insult has been hard for me.

5. Please bear with me; I’m not sure how to be kind (or fair) right now.

6. I sometimes use bluster to try to cover up my fear of looking ignorant.

7. Though I made things more difficult than they needed to be, you stayed pleasant. Thanks.

8. Feeling inferior has caused me to accuse others of being inept.

9. I wish I could take back what Idid.

19. It’s difficult to admit that I need to work at being kind (or fair).

A nicer and healthier way of communicating

—one that fosters healing—

will be an essential part

of an inspiring new self-care frontier.

Up For Grabs

What makes sense? Coming up with answers to this question is an ongoing challenge we can’t escape. Seeking to survive the small and big storms living entails, we sometimes settle on faulty, but anchoring, answers that lessen how often we feel adrift. Though sometimes leaving us prone to losses, such answers enable us to do what it takes to feel able and close.

Seeing what makes sense to be up for grabs can help us consider and possibly adopt healthier ways to conduct mental upkeep. However, to take this approach, we must be willing to tolerate self-doubt. Usually, such a willingness follows the empathic-humility that occurs when we accept what we contend is so may not be so. Keep in mind that what makes sense is sometimes an unreliable stab at what is true.

A Final List

1. A portion of the strife on Earth is random, baffling and overwhelming, Another portion is explainable, pre-dictable and preventable.

2. Remember that sitting ducks can walk, swim and fly when given a niceness nudge.

3. Seeing ourselves be kind and fair is almost always there for the taking.

4. We’re all susceptible to choosing nastiness over niceness.

5. Complimenting those with good

intentions is an excellent way to practice prioritizing niceness.

6. Feeling grateful for the chance to be nice is on target reaction.

7. Though not completely fixable, we’re always improvable.

8. Empathic-humility is all it’s cracked up to be!

9. Nice people don’t have to be scarce.

The temptation to throw in the niceness towel

is easier to surmount when we remind ourselves

we can’t give up on being nice without

giving up on bringiing about better self-care.

100

Conclusion

The relentless mistreatment occurring on Earth is disheartening. Given daily headlines indicate decency is easily and commonly stampeded, it’s understandable that some will see a call for more niceness as naive.

Nevertheless, most misery doesn’t have to be a foregone conclusion. With a bold, steadfast commitment to kindness and fairness, much unhappiness can be avoided.

101

While misfortune and suffering varies greatly, everyone ends up with unpleasant memories. Though our gnawing flashbacks can’t be thrown overboard, their impact can be lessened. Relief occurs when we surrender to our inner nurturing guide.

Of course, a large-scale surrender will require a ground-swell of support for the ongoing study of niceology. Nevertheless, each of us can seek the guidance needed to upgrade our self-care notions and, by doing so, improve our well-being.

102

Because committing to and carrying out upgraded niceness entails travel-ing a bumpy road, crafting and regularly recalling a self-care reminder, such as the one that follows, can be helpful:

Being nice, especially when coping with a not-nice world, is the best way for me to feel worthy of self-respect and mercy. I can’t completely overcome misguidedness, but I can sincerely embrace niceness and, as a result, bring about a more peaceful mind.

103

The author hopes you’ll join the Outpost Oops Planetary Society (OOPS). Along with striving to be kind and fair, members share the following notion: Making mental self-care a priority is long overdue.

Bing nice is a wonder! When greatly valued and routinely relied upon, niceness is an unequalled source of comfort, self-esteem and growth. There’s nothing we can get or do that benefits us more than knowing we’re a kind and fair person.

104

For a variety of ways to explore and practice caring for your mind, check out the nonfiction and fiction at Outpost Oops (outpostoops.com). You’ll find materials and activities for all ages.

105

There’s a niceness

awakening underway

at Outpost Oops.

outpostoops.com

The Outpost Oops

Planetary Society

seeks members

young and old.

Micbren Publishing LLC